Speech-writing is hard. For the amusing 3-minute speech, I've resorted to ripping off Eddie Izzard.
So here's the draft speech. I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR COMMENTS OR SUGGESTIONS!
Never Trust A Monkey
The first page of my English textbook has useful sentences like, “The mouse is under the table.” I tried using this when I went to England. “The train to Liverpool, right? Is this it? … Now? … In 5 minutes? Okay, thanks, and the mouse is under the table.”
It didn’t go well. People were shouting, “Mouse!? What mouse? Where is the mouse?” "Where is the mouse? Where is the mouse? Er … the mouse is under the table." "Table? What table? Where is the table?" "Er … the table is … above … the mouse?"
So that was my first lesson in English conversation: only say, "There's a mouse under the table." when there is a mouse under the table. The other sentences in my book were, "The cat is on the chair." which was okay, and "The monkey is on the branch." That sentence was VERY difficult to use. I solved the problem by walking through the woods with a cat, a mouse, a monkey and a chair. “Quick! Someone’s coming. Cat: sit on the chair. Mouse: hide under the table. Monkey: climb on the branch. Hurry, hurry! Okay. I’ve got my speech ready here. *ahem* Hello. I’m Japanese. I’m on vacation. It’s beautiful here! The scenery … the trees … the mouse is under the table, the cat is on the chair, and the monkey is … gone.” Because he was a monkey. He didn’t want to wait on the branch. He wanted to go and do monkey things.
I was in trouble. Without the monkey, I couldn’t finish my speech. Where was he? “Erm … er … did you see a monkey?” “Yes, I did! What a surprise it was. Last time I saw a monkey near here was in the 80s. I was a boy, then and….” … and he wouldn’t stop talking!
So here is what I learnt: if you want to have an English conversation, the most important skills are asking questions and listening. And never trust a monkey.
No comments:
Post a Comment