In Translation: Removing a Facebook curse

We all know how to protect ourselves on-line from viruses and fraudsters. But what about curses? You see a perfectly-innocent looking message like:

AN ACCURATE HOROSCOPE FOR THE WHOLE YEAR 2013! THIS IS SO DEAD ON TO ME IT'S SCARY...

And before you know it, you've read the line that says:

7 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

And it's too late! Either spread the evil, or suffer 7 years of bad luck. (Note, the above line is for illustrative purposes only, and is magically inert. I've had it curse-checked.)

Well, I broke a mirror when I was 10, and I can tell you that puberty sucked for me. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. So I did a little research, and it turns out that it is, in fact, possible to break the chain of evil.

Solution 1: Witchcraft

I found a few ceremonies on http://spellsandmagic.com/RemovingCurses.html. This was the simplest, and didn't involve any fancy ingredients, or athames:

Materials:

Old Cooking Pot

Black Candle

Water

Get yourself an old cooking pot, place a black candle in the center, fill the pot with water until it is 2 inches below the wick of the candle. Light the candle and say:

If truly hexed or cursed I am, let it break with quench of flame.

Then stare into the flame and see all the negative energy being drawn into it.
When the candle burns down to the water level, and the flame sputters out, say:

So mote it!

Dig a hole and empty the water into it. Now bury the candle. It is done.

Some extra notes:

To prevent eye damage when staring into the flame, perform the ritual in a brightly lit room.
You can get black candles from an online shop. E.g. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Spell-Candles-Black-10cm-Tall/dp/B004LX4RHE/. I recommend thin candles: they are cheaper and you'll get through those 2 inches (5 cm) a lot faster.
I've no idea what So mote it! means.

Solution 2: Exorcism

If you are Christian, witchcraft is right out: you have to call in the professionals. Arrangements vary from denomination to denomination, but if you live in a country with a state church, you can just go directly to them. For instance, the Church of England's official policy is that they will perform the sacraments for anyone who lives in the parish, and I daresay this extends to exorcisms too.

The procedure is as follows:

Contact your parish priest
The priest will refer you to the bishop
The bishop will refer you to his psychiatric advisor, who will confirm that you are being oppressed by malign spiritual forces and not just some kind of headcase or something.
After further consultation, the bishop will introduce you to the diocesan exorcist, who will perform the ritual.

Unfortunately, this is all rather lengthy and bureaucratic. You may easily have months of bad luck to contend with before you are finally cleansed, which is the last thing you need if, say, you're facing an important exam or you're trying to conceal an affair from your spouse.

Solution 3: Closing the loop

By using Facebook's advanced privacy settings, it is possible to lift the curse by sharing the post without passing it on to anyone who is still vulnerable. It's like when you have the flu: you're fine to meet other people so long as they've had the same flu themselves.

Facebook's privacy settings are tricky, and you may well decide that the witchcraft or exorcism routes are safer, but it can be done. For those who want to give it a go, here's how I did it. Let me know how you got on in the comments: